Abuse - Are you Involved?

 

I have recently been thinking about how to define abuse to those who don't know they are causing it, this was more like a self-check exercise. This is my humble outline so we can tell if we have ever been one.

Published April 8th, 2023 (Pakistan Time)

Abuse is not just physical.

Abuse is verbal.

Abuse is emotional.

Abuse is when you choose to tell the half truth.

Abuse is when you lie.

Abuse is when you say things to hurt, for hurt is harm.

Abuse is when you harm others for in any form.

Abuse is when you Gaslight

Make them cry

Tell them its their fault

Put their emotions against them

Blame them for opening up

Or telling a friend

what you did to them

Its speaking to others to cause a harm

To stir a storm

To spew hatred

To kill a vibe

To end a life

It's calling someone too emotional

Too sensitive or lazy

Or call them crazy

Abuse showing off a comfort

To those who don't have it

Purposely to take it

To a level where they fall

From the edge of the hope

Abuse is doing all this

And not apologizing

To those whom you owe it

To feel like it's beneath you

To go and admit

That you're a piece of shit 

No matter what form

Or level of the harm

Remember of you did

Exactly this or more,

Ended a person's will

Nay, wish to smile and more

Then you're what I call

An abusive asshole                                     -by Kayenat Hameed Khan

My First Blog in 2020

It is 2020, the world has seen a lot since I last updated this blog. This is not not to mark an entry of the current affairs nor is a commentary on what what is happening or has happened. So these are a few things i have read here and there or i have been thinking about that just makes sense and I thought i should put them up.

Okay first of all, during the last Townhall meeting of Global Shapers, they we kept calling it "physicall distancing" instead of social distancing. I think it is more appropriate as we never really acted as one society before. The distance we need to keep is a physical one. So its not really a problem or anything and distance of any kind actually feels terrible. However I just felt it's better to call it physical not social. (This could become a popular hashtag by the way. You know like people posting how great human beings they are or they have met and keep a hashtag physicalnotsocial in the captions.)

Anyways, here we go:

1) First let's just identify that there are mainly 4 groups of people in the areas effected by COVID 19 based on their reactions to the pandemic and measures taken by their governments:
. people who understand the threat and are taking measures to isolate themselves.
. people who do not understand the threat and are going going out and stuff.
. people who are isolated and are taking measure but they have over reacted and things have led to panic buying and stuff.
. people who are isolated, in the house but they do not follow other measures or who are in composite families where if not them, somebody IS leaving the house or at least the domestic care is coming to the house.

In countries like Pakistan, not many people in quarantine really understand what it means. People are going to see their grandparents and families are reuniting unnecessarily treating the lock down as a holiday. Couples are taking it lightly and things indoors are basically messed up,

2) Fake news and misinterpreted news that is being communicated to masses spreading either fear, false numbers, and things that are not true, is causing people to miscalculate the risk and the seriousness of the matter.

May be translating the findings and news by authorities like WHO into native languages will be helpful as a great number of the elderly and under-served communities do no have access to this information.

3) Also washing hands, physical distancing etc are very importance but we tend to leave the tap on when we wash our hands. That’s what we have sort of inherited and so we need to take care of that as well. We shouldn’t really waste water while preventing Covid-19 because that would lead to a greater mess.

4) About daily wagers and homeless, and under-served people and communities that are more likely to be exposed to the virus as well as they are most likely to be effected badly from the lock down, people who have to go out to earn: There are a lot of groups and volunteers helping them in different parts of the world. The are groups and individuals working in this regard in Pakistan as well. But may be it is not necessary that everybody take it to the roads. There can be collaborations between organizations where some take care of going out on the roads and distribute the ration among the people while some take care of calling people for donations, some can buy the groceries etc and basically the the mini-projects can turn into a mega project where all these organization work together. Of course that mean not every organization can turn it into a marketing campaign. But if that is not the goal, there is no harm in joining hands. Also collaborations like these can still makes great marketing and success stories. Where there's a will, there's a way.

It is high time we act as one community more than ever. So collaboration in every city can be great because then they can join resources and things can actually work better plus that way, everyone wont have to be on the roads and the protocol of physical distancing can be achieved better even within the volunteering organizations and other people who are helping.

5) Despite the lock down, the constant reminders and requests of physical distancing, a lot of people got married in the past few weeks and that’s alarming. People are underestimating the seriousness of the situations. And as Ali Aftab Saeed discussed in Episode 28 of Ali Uncensored, if the situation gets worse or even it stays this way for a few more months, then, this might sound controversial but, couples that not using contraceptive measures will be at a higher risk then the ones who do not have to deal with pregnancies and child birth during a global pandemic.

I don't really know how to end this one this time. That's all folks. Stay Safe.

All the King's Horses and All The King's Men - Is War Coming?

A humble request to all the King's horses, all the King's men, all Kings' horses and all Kings' men,

Today, the histories collapse

At your doorstep.

All the known facts

Evaporate in the air.

Do you still think

It's alright?

Not to think

When its high time?

Are you not done

With hating all?

Do you still have

A stomach to wage war?

Is it sweet? The smell of blood?

Does it feel nice when you cut his throat?

Do you feel safe when you're done spilling?

Do we just kill for the joy of killing?

Stories of the nations

Ancient, like revelations

Are teaching you to ignite

A spark of love, not a bolt of light

Nations have fallen to prove,

War has never improved

A thing. It's just a spoof

The watchdog plays on you.

How many more lives

Will it take for you to decide?

Can't you still see the need to retreat?

When you watch your histories repeat?

All the King's Horses and All the King's Men

By Kayenat Hameed Khan

Life is strange, death stranger and the sick urge of wishing death upon a living the strangest and ugliest of all. In nation where war is glamorized and worriers glorified, participating in the war will be considered a prestige. Here, one of our national dilemmas is that we have the spirit of worriers, a country to die for but no one to eliminate. We are not at a "real" war with anyone outside, anyone we can kill (the context is strictly restricted to the reactions and feelings of the people only). One of my very emotional friends will argue, "My poor vandal soul craves the satisfaction of fighting a holy war, or a war for a holy cause. And since I don't have a chance, I'll create one for myself."
After the horrific incident of Pulwama attack, our major media players played deaf and blind to the attack, for two whole days, as broadcasting and vibing about the preparations for the arrival and stay of his highness Saudi crown-prince Mohammad Bin Salman were more important. The few condemnations that were seen on social media and the news could not do anything about our neighbor's blame game.
Let's face it, we were slow in condemning and slower in responding to the "baseless" accusations. However, when Prime Minister Pakistan finally gave his word out in the public, it was almost a word of peace. He talked of cooperation if the neighbors have any evidence. But somehow his words didn't bring the people of Pakistan any peace. And this is where the war with-in the hearts of the patriots began.
The top trends for the past two days have been very disappointing and the situation seems more alarming than ever as it is the common people craving for the war, the people who cannot  pay their "straight" bills so they twist and turn their devices and the systems. People who find following the rules hard, because it wastes time (it has been argued by a fellow).
As far as the reaction to neighbor's media is concerned, our national dignity, which is of great great great importance to these patriots, was already restored via our PM's message. Taking it further with every other post made while bunking a class, or using the office wifi, or lying to the love of their life is not doing anything put putting us under the radar of the people, the forces and the governments, who are still not satisfied with the "Sabacha" situations of the system and are calling our entire nation a mob of fundamentalists.
And while one may react that it doesn't matter because it doesn't effect them directly, they should know the people and forces they are provoking are the same that our governments and other responsibles try hard to please.
Besides all, war brings death, destruction, elimination and walls. Why glorify something which doesn't end the existing problems rather catalyze the destruction?

Disappearances - of Social Media Reactivists?

Before the recent elections, the country seemed to have built a strong understanding of the system and politics. At least they expressed how they felt about certain characters in the political arena. However, the entire show is put to an end somehow and political observations have restricted themselves to the minds of a few.

It seems a little strange, seeing all the political reactivism on the social media sites settling down, almost like weightless dust particles that float everywhere only when stirred or disturbed. Such social media reactivism has taken all by storm before elections. Most of the reactivists defended this phenomena of quick reaction by calling it political awareness and social media activism, and convincingly attributed it to one of the major political actors in the view right now. However, the major actor probably could not inspire people for a long time and right after the first few months of constant defense, there has been a drastic decrease in the expression of "political opinions" floating in the news feed, comments and/or replies on different platforms. The reactivists do not showcase any particular trait of activism anyways, but things have gotten worse. The reaction, too, has reduced to a few and that too has become an occasional thing. They react to the content that is different than what they would have endorsed (if the were active).

Gone are the days when these political reactivists would send inbox messages to people of the "other opinion" to satisfy the little pseudo-patriot in their hearts. Back then the thirst was great and the need to quench their thirst even greater. There have been events where if one would ignore these inbox messages, he/she would receive threatening messages and abusive content, reason would be their least or no reaction to these politically aware people so vested in the thoughts and worries of their country's future.

Another observation is that a difference of opinion in real life, is still a trigger to these people. And irrespective of how much is it supported by data and numbers, if it is different than what they once endorsed they would defend it to their worst. But on social media, people have learnt to be as insensitive as they had been all this while. And since they were devoted practitioners of cyber-bully and are well-aware of the trauma and pain of being cyber-bullied by masses, they don't want to take any risks online.

The question is if these social media reactivist are still around, and they still react once or twice to a thing or two, where are they most of the time? Some people argue that the accounts have been hacked by anti-state elements and every once in a while, when they are recovered, we stumble upon a reactive tweet, post or comment, but the anti-state elements seem to be after these accounts, hence no reaction most of the time.

A popular theory, however, is that these people have lost interest in the political game as there is no "entertainment" left to inspire them to be reactive.

Another theory, not very convincing though, is that humans tend to go in their metaphoric cocoons when they realize they have a role in messing things up, because most of the time confessing our idiocy and accepting that we have been fooled for long is a bitter sip we can't gulp down. Hence we hide the glass of regrets in a closet, and hide ourselves with it.

The truth, however, is yet to be discovered. And this piece of trigger is only an attempt to find old pals.

To Whom It May Concern

Since everything is under control, and we are a happy, already-flourished democracy moving towards progress and development, here's what I have to say about General Elections 2018 in Pakistan and here's to whom it may concern.

O Leader!
Thy lips spill hate.
Thy heart flames rage.
Thy words spit insult.
Thine eyes shoot anger.
Thou call me insane
and treat me low.
Thou call me an ass
and call thyself true.
Thy friends call me names
and call my elders too.
And I, the less
I, the unclean
Shall choose Thee, the only;
The only and the clean.

While I hope the best may win, I also know it is not a a world cup final and there is no best out there. Recent incidents of terrorism has taken leaders from us, once again. And while i had this urge to not cast a vote this time I contacted the most sane of my friends hoping she will convince me to drop the idea. But in all honesty, neither the one man show we are watching on media despite the huge criticism from rest of the political parties and the nation itself is disappointing, nor is the fact that he continues to speak a language loaded with inappropriateness that discouraging.

What aches the heart here is that the supporters know everything. They proudly claim what even the paid thinkers won't utter under their breath. And despite knowing the possibilities of the sources from where all this power comes, they continue to support whoever they support, calling this huge damage a collateral one "for a greater good" as they like to put it.

Suicides in Khana Kaaba and Grand Mosque of Mecca: Depression Suicide and Religion

It all started with treating depression as a mood swing and not an illness.
One of my friends from Karachi is suffering from depression. And along with that she is dealing with people telling her how she is not "trying enough" to get out of it (as if there is a threshold which she can cross to step out of it). At times she would swear how hard she has been trying and the extend to which she has gone, including the humble acceptance of being mentally unstable (which the rest of us are afraid to accept about ourselves) to help herself.
Another friend of mine who is now a doctor, has suffered from depression during her last two years at medical college. She had no signs of depression as such, but she gained a lot of weight and had a terrible skin condition and only upon finding out her high level of stress hormones, her dermatologist concluded that she was in depression. She worked on herself starting from praying, meditating and exercising to medicines and the right diet. And she miraculously recovered in months.
While this was happening with two of my friends who were diagnosed with depression, I wanted to peak into the matter, to know what causes it and whether or not could depression be called a disease. Our entire group of friends dedicated some time out of our weekends to look into the reasons, symptoms and cures, and most importantly, definition of Depression - the disease.
Recently, I stumbled upon an article sharing this sad news of a guy committing suicide in Khana e Kaba in the holy month of Ramadan during Taraweeh prayers. And the discussion about depression took a traditional turn where people started calling him a sinner, a dumb guy and what not.
As if this was not enough, I saw news about another suicide, again in Mecca, at a holy site for Muslims. The reaction to this incident was more inhuman than the previous one.
And only yesterday, I saw my friend's WhatsApp status where she shared a new article by someone whose best friend committed suicide, while he was continuously advised to Pray the Depression away.
The entire concept of finding a solution for a disease in praying alone is very emotional, irrational and nonsensical. Depression is a disease and should be treated like one. Just like we can't pray Cancer or a bee-sting or a dog-bite away similarly we can't cure depression with prayers alone.
Most of today's practicing yet moderate Muslim brothers and sisters in Islam are getting their guidance, motivation and knowledge from YouTube. Hence I'd quote Nauman Ali Khan from one of the videos of his speeches where he says "Du'a is not Amazon.com". If nothing else, it means that we can't necessarily escape a problem or get instantly something out of our du'as/prayers.
And praying in Depression may actually help the patient (as they may feel more connected to their Lord and hence find some inner peace), this is usually the first thing the victims try. Even an atheist would initially go for meditation, spending time in Nature and trying anti depressant diets. However, only these patients would know better whether it works or not.
We need to understand that it is one thing to have a bad day or go through a thin patch or rough time, and it is completely another to be "sick", to suffer from a disease. Very "praying" and "happy" people can go through this.
Besides, Depression is not just the so-called "bad mood", that is just one of the symptoms. I have seen my people loosing their sleep for months over nothing, and that too is just another symptom.
We need to try to think broad when it comes to medicine - the field. Just because there is no tumor. wound or bruise doesn't mean it's not a disease. However this can still be a topic open to discussion.
But what is more important is how do we deal with someone who's suffering from depression. And respecting the patient, not judging them for being a "non-praying" person or a "sinner" would be the least we could do for them.
And if we must preach (because we love it) than probably sharing our touching story with a holy moral of "Pray it away" would be a nicer way. But emphasizing on the similarities, forcing them to call our story theirs or accept both as identical will just not help and we may come out as a self-absorbed entity. While it would be nicer if we could be there for others without being about ourselves. 

The Change

I was recently having a discussion with my professor on social media about change. According to her the problem with us is that “We take on change as a catch word without clear conceptualisation. Hence it becomes a very attractive word to cut a discourse for intellectualism that is actually directionless and has no clue of what exactly does it imply.” She also said that while we are so fond of using words like “system” or “change” they derive from a theory or an ideology which most of us seem to have never understood. Both of these points are valid. Hence it got me into thinking. I am not a learned human, wouldn’t even count myself in the reader community of the globe.  I have no idea which philosopher said what about what. But still I’m driven by the need and the desire of change. I’d even cast a vote for someone who will promise me some change. And after I saw no change that I expected, while the claims of the big change echoed, I was left to think about what then actually changed? And there I think I realized that the kind of change that I wanted to see, was supposed to start with me. Starting with me thinking about how it was going to come into being, rather than just wanting an end product.

As I already mentioned that I know nothing about theories and philosophies of change, but I still think of it, desire it and even sometimes make it by taking out that garbage, the smell of which has got on everyone’s nerves but is too heavy for others to move, so I thought I’d write about my layman notion of change, system and the change in the system. I think “change” is easier to deal with because no matter what I write as my definition of this word, it will be different than the next person’s, who comes across it. Still I will start with “system”.

While Google defines it as “a set of things working together as parts of a mechanism or an interconnecting network; a complex whole” and “a set of principles or procedures according to which something is done; an organized scheme or method”, these are too flowered for me to understand. In my understanding, a system is a process or a processing body or the individuals networking in a processing body or the way those individuals work to get the process going. Also I believe there is more to the word.

A change in the system then would be a slight difference made, by replacing (or changing) an action or even an actor, in an ongoing system. If the entire system renews itself or is renewed somehow, it will not be a change in the system. Rather, it will be a system changed. And while this might sound confusing to highly intellectual people, this is simple and understandable for a layman like myself.

An illustration of me being a component of an ongoing system might help those who are still confused. For example if I am a student of a college where there is a tradition of teachers not coming to the class on time, and I want it changed, I can daydream about the authorities getting raged because my personal little self is in trouble but this might never really happen unless I go and report. Now that still doesn’t mean the authorities will take a notice but for someone who tries after me would surely know one of the many ways that wouldn’t work, which to me is still a contribution to the desire of the long term change of teachers coming to the class in time.  Here the authorities, the staff, the students are all part of a system, including the processes like hiring the teachers, maintenance of discipline, exams, results and other such things. Then my demand of teachers coming to the class on time would be the desired end product or the change that I want to see. And me taking an action that aims at that particular desired change (here the teachers coming to the class on time) would be me trying to contribute to make the change happen. The change in the system would be if teachers start coming to the class on time. And if this eventually becomes the new tradition and every teacher is on time, then it would be the system changed.

My narrow mind could not get out of the student life I live and so I had to make it about some problem students would face in a college. But it goes the same for other “changes” and “systems”. And while I think I should make it clear again that it is the wrong use of such words that result in endless and directionless discussions, (since almost everyone is attracted to these terms), the only thing that can sort an end out of such an intense discourse is the understanding that words like these can be relative and personal.